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Let's be clear - there is a huge difference between COOL parent and "COOL" parent. We are not talking about how to be your kid's best FRIEND. Just opposite. We are talking how to be your kid's best PARENT!

My 18 year old daughter left home with no warning and moves with her boyfriends family!

Sender: CoolParent <cp@coolparent.net>

Hi, Thank you for joining us. We are glad you care about your kid and you are willing to be a best version of parent you can.

I've just heard the following story from Lena, a friend of mine, mother of 18 years girl.

So it goes...

One morning, everything changed. My daughter's room was empty. Her clothes were gone. Her pictures disappeared from the walls. No goodbye. No message. Her phone? Disconnected. Her social media? Ghosted.

Just silence.

I felt scared and confused. Where did Julie go? Why did she leave? My heart was beating super fast, and I had so many questions spinning in my head.

What Happened?

I' had several longer conversation with her - and here is some short summary.

Well, what caused that brutal event? Was it something Lena did? Or - she has not done?

Just because of chores her dad insisted on doing them last evening? Well, that might be a trigger. Haven’t happened for the first time… But really?

There needed to be deeper reasons. Maybe Julie felt like her parents didn't understand her.

She had a boyfriend I didn't know well. They seemed close. Really close. Did he help her decide to leave? His family welcomed her, and maybe they made her feel safe and happy. I'm wodering how long it will last...

Being a parent is hard. Sometimes kids want to grow up faster than we want them to. They want to make their own choices. Lena susepcted she might have been too strict or didn't listen enough. But where is the bordeline? Where to set the boundary?

Later in the conversation we realized that there is not only question where to set boundaries. Much more important is

How to set boundaries.

But this is only one challenge… We’ll talk about some others later.

Lena wanted to find her. She wanted to bring her back home. But she also knew that pushing too hard might make Julie want to stay away even more.

Love isn't about keeping someone close by force. It's about understanding and caring, even when it's difficult.

Julie is out there somewhere. Lena misses her. We hope she is safe. And we hope one day they can talk and understand each other better.

This email is already too long… So I need to stop here.

But… In the next email we will talk about four specific things Lena could do to prevent her daughter’s disappearance.

By the way – in the meantime – let me know what you are thinking about it. Do you have such experience maybe? What would you do in such a situation? And – most important – what are you doing to prevent such a disaster?